SCENE 1
(BLAKE, bored, lies on the couch watching TV. )
(MIKE walks on stage--not through either door, though. He walks around the house set, dusts off the couch (Blake doesn’t see him), looks around, walks out to the porch, stares out for a moment, and is struck by inspiration. He pulls out a small notebook and pen, sits down, and begins to write. He pauses, looks up.)
MIKE
Oh. Um...Could you give me a second, please? See, I like to write down little things that I hear, or thoughts that I have...I swear I’m going to write a novel some day. A Fitzgerald-y book. It’s my goal in life, really. Anyway, one sec.
(He writes a bit more, reads it once, mouthing the words, and looks up satisfied. He rises, and recites.)
MIKE
"One of the scary things about life is the ocean of people one sees every day. Scary not for its crushing numbers, but for the fact that there are always reoccurring faces--If the only tenable, romantic position on the issue of fate versus free will is that, somehow, there is an ineffable plan, but it’s up to the individual to pursue it, then every one of those faces is a lost plan for life. And when one is old and tired, what could be worse than to ask ‘What did I do with my life?’ and have the answer be ‘Nothing of importance.’...for then, how can one keep from reflecting on the untouched pattern in that long-ago sea of humankind?"
(Mike pauses, seeming to ask the audience for approval. He shrugs.)
MIKE
I was thinking about a friend of mine--Blake, the guy lying there on the couch--I’m Mike, by the way. So I was thinking about Blake...the poor kid. He looks nonchalant lying there, doesn’t he? It’s all an act, though. He’s so fucking nervous. See, he just pushed Greg to...
(MEGAN enters the house through the porch door.)
MEGAN
Did you put Greg up to that?
BLAKE
Up to what?
MEGAN
Answer me, damnit! Did you put him up to that, or not?
BLAKE
So he told you?
MEGAN
You fucking did, didn’t you! You bastard!
BLAKE
Listen…
MIKE
That’s Megan. Greg just told her he loved her. You haven’t met him yet, but he’s a nice guy.
MEGAN
I don’t need bullshit like this.
BLAKE
Bullshit? It’s not bullshit...
MEGAN
Of course it is. The boy’s delusional.
MIKE
Hold on a second here. This is confusing. Let me try to explain a bit more here. Blake and his girlfriend Laura are really good friends with Greg. Greg’s obsessed with Megan--ah fuck, this is starting to sound like a soap opera. Let me think.
(Pause)
MIKE
Truth is, I’m about as confused as anyone else. I was supposed to show up at this...I dunno, party’s a bit grandiose of a word for it..gathering? I was supposed to show up at this...gathering...as a favor to Blake but couldn’t make it. And so the next day, Blake calls me up and starts bitching at me, and I have to put him on hold since his girlf--his ex-girlfriend does the same thing, and then Megan calls too...not fun. So now I’m trying to figure out what the hell happened. So, guys, what just happened?
BLAKE
Well, I had my friend Greg tell Megan here how much he cared about her, even though he doesn’t really know her.
MEGAN
And I’m curre--
MIKE
--Sorry, just thought of something else. This is pretty cool, huh? I can just ask them to do things, and they do it. I’m basically playing God with their lives...I can let them play out the events, or just talk to them as people outside any specific context. Whatever I feel like. It’s because they trust my opinion. They trust me, really, with their memories, for me to cut and paste as I please. Because Megan and Greg and Blake and Laura all know that if anyone’s going to find meaning in all of this, it’s probably going to be me. So, Megan, I apologize for interrupting you. Now what where you saying?
MEGAN
I’m currently having difficulty accepting that Greg has a crush on me, since, really, I know he’d hate me if he had any idea who I was. I also was just a real bitch to him, which probably wasn’t the nicest thing to do.
MIKE
A real bitch? Can we watch?
MEGAN
I guess so...
(Megan walks out to porch, GREG walks onstage to meet her there. She’s sitting down, he awkwardly sits next to her. Mike watches from the side.)
GREG
Hi Megan...
MEGAN
Hey.
GREG
So how are you doing?
MEGAN
Fine.
GREG
Megan...I need a favor.
MEGAN
Okay...wait, it isn’t something perverted, is it?
GREG
What? No...no, it’s not.
MEGAN
All right then, go ahead.
(Greg looks towards the house, gaining some confidence, and starts.)
GREG
I realized something around a year ago. And you have to promise to listen to me, listen to me finish because otherwise this is going to go over so badly...
MEGAN
Just say whatever it is.
GREG
I realized, around a year ago, that I adore you. I think so much of you, I hit myself every day I don’t know you, I regret every day I don’t see you. I believe, and I know this is fucking bizarre but I want to care for you, and love you, no matter what. Because you are the most amazing person I know. And I kno--
MEGAN
--Christ, shut the fuck up! You love me? What bullshit! What total and utter bullshit! You don’t even know me, Greg! You talk to me what, maybe once a week? Whenever you can make up some excuse to! Do you really think I don’t know "how you feel about me"? You make it painfully obvious all the time, you weak little shit!
GREG
I...really didn’t know you knew, Megan...I thought I hid it well...
MEGAN
Calling me up on weekends, trying to ask me out on little dates with your annoying friends? That’s hiding it? "Hi, Megan, it’s Greg? from Physics?...um...I was wondering if maybe you’d like to come see a concert tonight?"
GREG
That was once. Only once.
MEGAN
You didn’t even know who was playing!
GREG
I, I was nervous! I love you, doesn’t that mean anything to you?
MEGAN
You don’t love me, because you don’t know me. At all. And I am not attracted to you. At all. I wouldn’t fuck you if I was drunk at a party, and I know that’s all you want, because I am not a nice person. I think I’ve proven that right now. You don’t want me.
(Megan storms into the house. As soon as she enters, however, her demeanor changes back to before the flashback to Greg’s revelation. She returns to the position she was in when Mike asked her if they could see what happened.)
GREG
(to Mike)
But all her reasons—they were about her, not me…how can she be right about not being a nice person if she thought so much about my position?
MIKE
Good point. Why do you think?
GREG
Because...because she really loves me, deep inside, and just can’t admit it?
MEGAN
Actually, I really don’t.
MIKE
Sorry, Greg. You lose.
(Greg sighs, lights a cigarette.)
MIKE
Those things will kill you, you know.
GREG
So what?
(Mike shrugs, implying that the best he can do is let Greg wallow in his misery. He returns to the interior of the house.)
MIKE
Damn, Megan.
(No response.)
MIKE
So where were we?
MEGAN
...The boy’s delusional.
BLAKE
His love isn’t a delusion, Megan. And I can say that pretty easily, since I’ve heard him talk about it a lot more than you possibly could have.
MEGAN
It’s not that his love is a delusion. I can understand his love--I can understand it because he doesn’t love me, he loves a figment of his imagination whom he named "Megan" and who bears one hell of a striking resemblance to me.
(Pause.)
BLAKE
Doesn’t that make it somehow more beautiful, though? I think he knows that he doesn’t know you. I don’t see how he couldn’t.
MEGAN
So?
BLAKE
So…I guess it means...that he was setting himself up for what you told him. Laura thought that’s what he was doing, but I didn’t really believe it. I didn’t believe you’d be cruel to him, either.
MEGAN
That hurts.
BLAKE
You hurt Greg, too.
MEGAN
Oh fuck you! Fuck you! You have such a wonderful little fairy tale romance with that bitch and it makes you think you’re superior to the rest of us?
BLAKE
What?
MEGAN
That bitch ruins you! Laura! I’m fucked up, but at least I don’t try to hurt other people, too.
BLAKE
I’m not going around insulting other people’s significant others.
MEGAN
I’m not doing it to hurt you.
BLAKE
Well that sure isn’t coming off.
MEGAN
I act fucked up. She is. We used to be friends, Blake. You remember that? Before that bitch took you away halfway through freshman year. How long did she make you wait for a fuck, huh?
BLAKE
(threateningly)
Shut up, Megan.
MEGAN
A little too close to home?
BLAKE
No, in the least--I told you to shut up because you’re making an ass out of yourself.
MEGAN
(crying)
I know, I know I am! I’m just jealous. I’m jealous of Laura.
BLAKE
I don’t really know what to say...thank you?
MEGAN
You arrogant prick! I don’t mean just because she has you! Because she knows who she is.
BLAKE
No she doesn’t. No more than anyone else.
MEGAN
She knows how to act like she does, and that’s more than I do.
BLAKE
You can be honest with yourself, and I respect that.
MEGAN
I can be honest with myself? I can be honest with myself that I’m a bitch, yes. I can honest that I’m a horrible person and all I want in life is for people to reaffirm that, yes. It’s not a good thing, though.
BLAKE
You’re not a horrible person, Megan.
MEGAN
(tearfully)
Yes I am.
BLAKE
No. You’re not.
(Pause)
BLAKE
(awkwardly)
Is there anything I can do to prove to you that you’re not?
(Pause.)
MEGAN
Tell me you love me.
BLAKE
I’m sorry, Megan...I can’t. But it’s not because you’re a horrible person...I truly don’t think that. It’s because I just don’t. I could tell you that Laura has my heart but I don’t think you’d believe that.
MEGAN
I don’t
BLAKE
Which is why I’m not telling you that. I don’t love you, Megan, because I don’t. Just because. We make fun of children for saying that--our minds, trained with rhetoric, tell us to back up any argument but I can’t. There’s nothing more than the feeling--the lack of feeling--itself.
(Megan rises.)
MEGAN
I’ll be back when Mike gets here.
(Pause)
MEGAN
If I wasn’t a horrible person, you would love me.
(Megan runs out the front door.)
(Blake sighs.)
(Mike approaches Blake, sits down.)
MIKE
Don’t feel too bad.
BLAKE
What?
MIKE
I really doubt she meant it. She flails out like that at people.
BLAKE
It was confusing. And childish.
MIKE
Yes, but don’t dislike her for it. She just needs, as cheesy as it is, someone to love her.
BLAKE
She’ll have one hell of a time finding that, with her attitude.
MIKE
You should respect things like that, when people ask for your love.
BLAKE
Don’t tell me what I should or shouldn’t do, Mike. And I thought you said she didn’t mean it.
MIKE
Regardless. That girl has problems, but all she needs is someone to work through them with, someone who’d wait patiently and care for her.
SCENE 2
(Blake lies on couch. Laura enters through front door holding a plastic cup filled with a frosty, chocolatey drink.)
LAURA
Hey, I’m back.
BLAKE
Have fun, dear?
LAURA
Oh yes. Nothing beats running Greg’s errands.
BLAKE
You owed him.
LAURA
It was an accident!
MIKE
What the hell?
BLAKE:
It’s a long story.
LAURA
So, does the car outside belong to who I think it does?
BLAKE
Mmmhmm...
LAURA
Did he?
BLAKE
Yes.
LAURA
How’d it go?
BLAKE:
She’s a child.
LAURA
Badly?
BLAKE
I guess it’s patronizing to say that about someone my own age, but it is. She’s the most immature person I know.
LAURA
Badly.
BLAKE
I feel bad.
LAURA
Don’t.
BLAKE
Dear, it’s our fault.
LAURA
That she rejected him?
BLAKE
Yes!
LAURA
Why?
BLAKE
Since we pressured him into it.
LAURA
He still could have refused.
BLAKE
He trusted us. We promised him.
MIKE
What did you promise him?
(Lights dim, Greg enters, sits on couch. Laura and Blake sit on either side of him.)
GREG
I’m not scared of telling her. I’ve been running the words around inside my head so long that I could tell anyone at this point.
LAURA
Then what are you scared of?
GREG
I’m not scared...I’m trying to be sensible. She could hurt me, really easily.
BLAKE
I promise, people don’t do things like that.
GREG
Huh?
BLAKE
If someone tells you that they love you, you’re not going to hurt them. You might have to reject them, but you’re not going to laugh in their face or something.
LAURA
It wouldn’t even enter into my head to be cruel. Those thoughts just don’t occur to people in situations like that.
(Lights dim, back to where we were.)
BLAKE
I feel so guilty, like we did this to him ourselves...
LAURA
Where is he?
BLAKE
On the porch. Probably smoking again.
LAURA
Well go talk to him. Bring him this before it melts. I think I should go have a little talking-to with Megan now.
BLAKE
No, um...why don’t you talk to Greg, actually?
LAURA
Why?
BLAKE
Let me put it this way...Megan doesn’t think much of you.
LAURA
Oh.
(Laura starts to exit to the porch, and Blake is struck by inspiration.)
BLAKE
Actually...you know what? Megan’s outside somewhere too, off sulking...you should probably bring Greg in here.
LAURA
(a little bit fed up with Blake)
Fine.
BLAKE
I’ll be outside trying to find Megan.
MIKE
Did you?
BLAKE
Yes, eventually.
(Lights dim. Blake goes out to porch. Megan walks in from SR.)
BLAKE
Hey Megan.
MEGAN
Hi.
BLAKE
How’re you doing?
MEGAN
(bitter)
Oh, fucking great.
(Blake sighs.)
MEGAN
What?
BLAKE
Nothing
MEGAN
No, what is it?
BLAKE
It’s just--how well do you know Greg?
MEGAN
I don’t. That’s my whole point. We don’t know each other.
BLAKE
No, that’s not what I was trying to...--He’s probably my best friend, after Laura. Hell, maybe before Laura. I’ve known him since pre-school for Christ’s sake.
MEGAN
Sweet story.
BLAKE
Will you just fucking listen to me?
MEGAN
Not if you’re going to talk like this. I don’t care how well you know Greg; I hurt him, I know I did, I accept that I did. It’s not something I’m proud of, but someone needed to burst his little bubble. And if all you’re going to do is defend him to guilt-trip me into feeling sorry for it...well, forget it. Because I don’t really know you, either.
BLAKE
(quiet)
Then why’d you even come?
MEGAN
Because I had nothing else to do on a Thursday night in July? Because Mike begged me--and where the fuck is he, by the way?
BLAKE
No idea.
(Pause)
BLAKE
Holy shit…
MEGAN
What?
BLAKE
Ever had one of those times when you think up something really clever to say, but you’re sure you’ll never have a chance to say it?
MEGAN
I try to avoid saying clever things. Generally they’re pretentious bullshit.
BLAKE
True.
(Pause)
BLAKE
But regardless, have you?
MEGAN
No.
(Blake ignores her.)
BLAKE
Well, see that there?
(Blake points downstage.)
MEGAN
Wow. A sidewalk. How, exactly, is noticing that a gated community has, gasp, sidewalks, a sign of being clever?
BLAKE
No, damn it, not the sidewalk. The Skittle.
MEGAN
The Skittle.
BLAKE
Yes, the Skittle.
(Pause.)
MEGAN
What Skittle?
(Blake points more directly.)
BLAKE
That Skittle.
MEGAN
Oh. Fine, yes, I see the Skittle. Very clever of you, Blake. Noticing a Skittle. True genius.
(Blake ignores her yet again. This is probably in his best interest.)
BLAKE
I’ve been looking for that Skittle for years--
(Megan tries to interrupt him. Unsuccessfully.)
BLAKE
--well, not that Skittle, but you know what I mean.
MEGAN
No, I don’t.
BLAKE
Look at it. Broken. Stepped on. Whatever. Maybe someone dropped it out of speeding car, it’s not important...but so it’s ruined, right?
MEGAN
Ruined as in, you can’t eat it? Yes, Blake, it’s ruined. Please tell me you’re not going to...it could have been sitting out here for days for all you know. I’m sure that if you’re that hungry, your little girlfriend would make you a sandwich if you asked really, really nicely.
(Blake ignores her sarcasm.)
BLAKE
You think so? About it sitting out here for days? I’m guessing the sun would melt it pretty fast, if it was out on the concrete more than a few hours...my theory’s that it happened tonight.
MEGAN
(suddenly serious)
A lot of stuff happened tonight.
BLAKE
True.
(Beat.)
BLAKE
Anyway, no, I wasn’t planning on eating the Skittle. But look at it, closely.
(Megan actually listens to him.)
MEGAN
...it’s covered in ants.
BLAKE
Exactly. Think about that. Could all those ants be enjoying that Skittle if it was whole?
(Pause)
BLAKE
The Skittle’s broken. But the only reason that its sweetness can be experienced by those ants is because it’s broken. Whole, and perfect, it would be utterly unattainable for them. It’s like happiness; you can’t experience it if it’s utterly perfect. It has to be crushed and broken for you to get any little morsel of pleasure.
(Pause)
BLAKE
(Somewhat embarrassed by his own zeal, he sighs)
It’s one of those clever things I’ve wanted to say for years and years...all I needed was a crushed Skittle, an ant...and someone to apologize to.
MEGAN
Oh. I feel so stupid, for not understanding...
BLAKE
I was being subtle on purpose, so forget it. But do you understand now what I’ve been trying to say?
MEGAN
I’m taking it as, you were trying to make Greg happy, you were trying to help.
BLAKE
I hope I did...
MEGAN
God I was an asshole to him.
BLAKE
He deserved it.
MEGAN
What?!
BLAKE
I wasn’t trying to give him something perfect, just a morsel of perfection. And I have a feeling that’s what he experienced, in those few seconds before you shot him down.
MEGAN
It was cruel.
(Pause.)
BLAKE
Yes, I suppose it was.
(Pause.)
MEGAN
Well, apology accepted.
(Pause)
MEGAN
Blake?
BLAKE
Yes?
MEGAN
Ignore what I said earlier, okay?
BLAKE
(feigning ignorance)
You said something earlier?
MEGAN
You’re a sweet boy. And I’m kind of surprised by myself.
BLAKE
Oh?
MEGAN
It feels good.
BLAKE
What?
MEGAN
To know I made someone happy, if only for a little while.
(Megan rises, kisses Blake on the cheek, and goes inside.)
(Beat.)
(Laura enters from inside the house.)
LAURA
Hi.
(They kiss briefly, Laura sits down.)
BLAKE
Hi dear.
LAURA
(awkward)
So it could have gone better, huh?
BLAKE
Megan’s not pissed at me anymore, so I’m not feeling too bad.
LAURA
That’s good.
BLAKE
And how’s Greg taking it?
LAURA
He’s fine.
BLAKE
Wow, really?
LAURA
Yeah.
BLAKE
Is something the matter?
LAURA
No, why?
BLAKE
"That’s good." "He’s fine." "Yeah."....that’s not you.
LAURA
I was talking to Greg.
BLAKE
About what?
LAURA
(almost sobbing)
I couldn’t listen to him anymore.
BLAKE
What the hell was he saying to you?!
LAURA
The sweetest things he probably possibly could. He was describing how he saw our relationship, and how he wished he had something like it.
BLAKE
And...?
LAURA
And that’s it.
BLAKE
Okay...
MIKE
Okay? Just okay?! Blake, listen to yourself! Aren’t you the least bit curious?
BLAKE
Well, maybe a little...what else did he say, Laura?
LAURA
I really don’t want to talk about it.
(Mike sighs.)
MIKE
Fine.
(Lights dim, Laura goes inside, sits on couch. She has the frosty drink again. Greg walks inside from porch--yes, from the porch. No, he wasn’t out on the porch a minute ago. He walks in from the porch, and plops down.)
LAURA
Here’s your drink.
(Hands him the drink.)
GREG
Hah, thanks.
LAURA:
That’s all you’re getting out of me, by the way. It was an accident.
GREG
I know, I know...I’m surprised I got this much. Do you want me to pay you back, actually?
LAURA
No, that’s okay.
(Beat.)
GREG
Well, that sure was fun.
LAURA
What happened?
GREG
I told her.
LAURA
And?
GREG
And she rejected me.
LAURA
Was it bad?
GREG
You know, I wish that right now, I could start bitching to you and feel good about it. She wasn’t kind.
LAURA
I’m sorry, Greg...
GREG
Why should you be? You didn’t say anything. And in any case, I really don’t mind. Megan was hurtful, and I don’t want to discuss it.
LAURA
All right.
GREG
Not because it’s sensitive to me, but because I don’t see any point to it. I actually think I wouldn’t even get the least bit of satisfaction from it.
LAURA
Huh?
GREG
Usually I can get some satisfaction from saying how horrible someone was to me, you know? Get pity. But right now, I don’t care to.
LAURA
Is that a good thing?
GREG
I think so.
(Greg smiles.)
GREG
Yes, I definitely think so.
LAURA
Good!
GREG
It was cathartic.
LAURA
At least you got something out of it.
GREG
I can understand writing so much better now. You bare your soul, and you feel better even if the audience hates it. Because you’ve explained yourself, and never have to again.
LAURA
Like confession.
GREG
Something else I can believe in now.
LAURA
If you were Catholic.
GREG
If I was Catholic.
(Pause)
GREG
She said I didn’t know her, and she was right...what was I thinking? How can you love someone you don’t know?
LAURA
You can care for them...
GREG
Oh, yes, you can care for them, but is it love?
LAURA
I’ve had some crushes--
GREG
--don’t call it a crush.
LAURA
I wasn’t. I was saying that I’ve had some crushes that, now that I think about it, aren’t too different from how I feel about Blake.
GREG
But you know Blake. You were friends with him before you started going out. It’s different that way.
LAURA
It’s not too different. I feel for him the way I could feel for anyone...the difference should be that I can feel the same coming back from him.
GREG
So I’ll say love is reciprocity. You both have to care for each other, and love is a mix of that caring and the confidence you gain knowing someone else cares for you.
LAURA
I can accept that, I guess...in any case, it seems wrong to me to do this, try to define love. It just is.
GREG:
You see what I envy so much in your relationship with Blake-- just telling each other "I love you" and knowing the other person understands, implicitly. You can use terms of endearment and trust that the meaning is complete without any other words. Whatever I was looking for in Megan wasn’t…I was looking for the potential for it, and it’s crazy to search for that. I need to search for someone where I don’t have to worry about potential, a relationship where I can just click with the girl, like you and Blake. You two don’t know how lucky you are to have found what you did, right now. Highschool’s supposed to be about bad food, algebra, and infidelity--that’s what Kevin Smith says anyway, right? But you and Blake transcend it. Do you even worry about infidelity? I wouldn’t, if I were you...your bond is so strong, that, hell, even if one of you did cheat, you’d work through it. That’s a mature love relationship, and you’ve got it. And you haven’t even got a highschool diploma.
MIKE and LAURA and BLAKE
Wow.
MIKE
That help out, Blake?
BLAKE
Yeah...yeah, it does.
(Pause.)
MIKE
Shall we get on with it, then?
(Blake nods.)
LAURA
I guess so.
(Lights dim, Laura and Blake back out to porch.)
LAURA
Now as if I wasn’t already upset enough, look at that! Who does things like that!
BLAKE
Huh? What?
LAURA
Litter like that! It’s one thing if you’re just lazy, and you drop an empty bag or something, but that’s just malevolent, to sprinkle the Skittles all over the sidewalk and then leave the bag, just--just lying on the ground like that.
BLAKE
Laura, for all I like how you care about things like that--
LAURA
--I think we’re past the "Mention everything you like about the other person in order to make them feel better about the relationship" stage, Blake.
BLAKE
(Pause)
Oh.
(Blake reconsiders, tries again.)
BLAKE
For all I like that, though....it’s just a bag of Skittles. It’s not important. Why get angry about it?
LAURA
It’s like whoever did that is taunting everyone out there who even remotely gives a shit about the environment!
BLAKE
I did it, actually.
LAURA
Really.
BLAKE
I needed a way to apologize to Megan.
LAURA
And that way was littering? Great.
BLAKE
It wasn’t like...I don’t know. It...the explanation wouldn’t work as well right now, I think.
LAURA
Whatever.
BLAKE
I really didn’t think it was that big of a problem...
LAURA
(Bitterly, nearly crying)
I know! I know it isn’t important, I don’t think I’m really upset about it but...God, how can I talk to you about this?
BLAKE
You can talk to me about anything. You truly can.
LAURA
No. I can’t.
BLAKE
I’ll listen to you, I really will.
LAURA
I told you I didn’t want to talk to you about it!
BLAKE
Fine.
(Pause)
BLAKE
Do you want me to leave you alone right now?
LAURA
Does it matter?
BLAKE
Of course it does.
LAURA
Then...yes, please.
BLAKE
Fine. I’ll be inside, if you want to talk to me.
(Blake rises, thinks about kissing Laura, wisely reconsiders, and goes inside..)
LAURA
And he didn’t even pick up the fucking bag.
MIKE
Was that really the best you could do, Blake?
BLAKE
No...it wasn’t. But I really didn’t know what to say...Laura’s not generally like this, you know that! I don’t know what’s the matter with her...I’ve never seen her so moody, have you?
MIKE
(Calmly, gently, with all the knowledge in the world--or at least that concerning Blake’s life)
No, Blake.
BLAKE
What aren’t you telling me?
LAURA
Why don’t you see for your fucking self instead of asking Mike?
BLAKE
You told me to leave!
MEGAN
(offstage)
She’s a girl, Blake!
(Mike nods in agreement with Megan.)
(Blake sighs, goes back out to the porch.)
(Laura has rather calmed down, is more contemplative.)
BLAKE
I’m sorry to bother you...
LAURA
It’s all right.
BLAKE
Are you sure you don’t want to talk?
LAURA
No.
(Pause)
LAURA
I sat there listening to Greg, and it hurt me. He sees us as so strong, Blake. So very strong.
BLAKE
But aren’t we?
LAURA
That’s what I didn’t know. And Greg wasn’t reassuring to me. Each word he spoke made me wake up a bit more. Every little bit of adoration and envy he has burning away inside his soul for us, it made me pity him.
BLAKE
What?
LAURA
Because his words woke me up. Because each time he told me how much he admires us, I could empathize with him less and less. He sees the show of teenage bliss we put on to the world, Blake. And what I realized there was that we’re putting it on for each other, too. We’re both so in love with the idea of having that perfect adolescent relationship that we’ve been ignoring the fact that we’re not, actually, in love with each other.
(Mike nods, begins writing furiously as Laura discusses "the show of teenage bliss.")
BLAKE
Yes we are! I know what you mean, dear, I know exactly what you mean and don’t think I don’t have times where I wonder if I’m so kind to you because I want to be or because I expect myself to be but that doesn’t mean we’re not in love! Just because we might have moments of doubt--
LAURA
--moments of clarity. Tell me, Blake...when you call me "dear"...do you really know if I’m dear to your heart? Do your words really betray your heart or your idea of a lover’s vocabulary? Does your soul, Blake, truly echo inside yourself when you say "dear"?
(Pause.)
(Pause again.)
BLAKE
No.
(Pause)
BLAKE
No, but does anyone’s? They’re just words, Laura! How much can they really mean? How can such a higher brain function be connected to something as primal and fundamental to existence as love? Can anyone really feel what they’re saying? Aren’t we all just putting on an act for each oth--…
(Pause.)
LAURA
Yes, we are.
(Laura kisses Blake lightly, gently on the forehead, and exits stage right. Blake slowly, thoughtfully, in a fit of melancholy, picks up the Skittles, places them in the bag, and ponderously walks inside.)
SCENE 3
(Megan, Greg, Laura, and Blake sit in the living room, wherever is most convenient. Mike is standing, ready to lecture.)
MIKE
I think I’ve figured it all out.
MEGAN
What?
MIKE
Tonight. I think I’ve figured it out. Well, I think I’ve found an answer.
(Beat.)
MEGAN
Then say it.
MIKE
What really triggered it for me was something Laura said to you, Blake.
BLAKE
Anything in particular?
MIKE
She called your relationship a "show of teenage bliss."
LAURA
...yes...?
MIKE
And it clicked.
GREG
You’re not making sense.
MEGAN
In the least.
MIKE
I know, I’m doing it on purpose, for the exact same reason as what I’ve found! I’m as guilty of it as any of you!
BLAKE
Guilty of what?
(Pause.)
MIKE
We’re turning our lives into a melodrama. We’re overdoing it all--our lives. We tell ourselves over and over again how every little crisis is, well, a crisis. And the truth is...they’re not.
(Pause)
MIKE
Megan, I hate to use you like this, but you’re an example. Tell me, truthfully...do you believe you’re a bad person?
MEGAN
Yes. Well. I think I am. There’s a difference. I tell myself I am.
MIKE
But it’s hard to convince yourself.
MEGAN
...yes.
MIKE
Because at some level, you realize that your Über-Bitch persona is just that, a persona. An act. A façade. You’re really a sweet, wonderful girl and that scares you, so you pretend you’re a bitch because you can understand cruelty. You act like you’re something other than yourself because it’s easier than facing reality. And that’s what we’re doing with our lives.
MEGAN
I--
MIKE
--we watch all these soap operas and teen dramas and romantic comedies and it makes us think our lives should be like them.
BLAKE
That’s because they should be! Drama comes from life!
MIKE
It’s the opposite of violent imagery. Instead of learning to fight with blows instead of words, we’re learning to coat our emotional events in such verbiage that the only way we can justify it is to tell ourselves that the events are of such grand significance to our lives that they deserve such articulation.
(Pause)
MIKE
But in actuality, they don’t.
(Megan starts laughing.)
MEGAN
Bullshit. Ironic bullshit. Take a look at your own words, Mike. Could you be a bit more verbose on the subject of how we’re too verbose?
BLAKE
What are you trying to say, Mike?
MIKE
No. Not bullshit. What has happened tonight that’s going to matter in five years?
GREG
Does it matter if it matters in five years?
MIKE
Hmm, Blake? As you’re getting your bachelor’s degree are you going to be sobbing because Laura dumped you in highschool? Greg, are you going to still be hung up on Megan?
GREG
I’m not hung up on Megan now, Mike.
MIKE
Megan, are your emotional problems of right now really going to matter then? Are you truly not going to take any steps at all to work through them?
MEGAN
I think I am working through them.
MIKE
And Laura...who cares? Who really cares if you’re not in a real love relationship? I know I sure don’t.
(Mike pauses to think, but before he can talk, Laura begins.)
LAURA
You made me seem like such a villain, Mike. Why?
MIKE
I don’t know what you’re talking about.
LAURA
No? I don’t know whether I can really believe that, but I guess it’s possible. I guess it’s possible that you made it seem like I dumped Blake over something so petty without meaning to. It could have happened. But see, that’s what scares me about your theory. What happened to the fact that we had been talking about breaking up for over a month? You’re basing it all on your own perspective!
MIKE
That’s such an easy way to explain things, Laura. "Perspective." There are things that remain true no matter who sees them. There are absolutes. And to say it’s simply me applying my own feelings, my own views, to what I saw...that’s an expediency. You’re too lazy to come up with real ideas.
BLAKE
It’s not laziness. Laura has a point.
LAURA
It’s simple, but it’s right. And it’s not just how you looked at things, it’s what you looked at! You cut out all the good times! Where were Blake and I just sitting there, smiling at each other? It wasn’t just how you portrayed the two of us, either...where was Greg, all the times we three spend together, laughing?
MIKE
They aren’t there because they aren’t as important.
BLAKE
Look at what you’re saying, Mike! They aren’t important? Doesn’t that mean you’re just focusing on the explosive parts as much as we allegedly are?
MIKE
I said I was guilty as anyone else.
BLAKE
Maybe you’re more guilty.
MIKE
What?
MEGAN
You say it doesn’t matter, Mike. You say none of it is important. And I don’t know, maybe it isn’t.
MIKE
So you admit it!
MEGAN
But I know I hurt Greg. I know that. And I know my guilt is real. Maybe that’s melodrama, but it’s me. My problems? Greg has helped me. Because five years down the line, no matter how bad things are...I’ll still be able to cherish the fact that someone out there, wherever he might end up...someone has loved me.
MIKE
Christ, Megan! Come on, sniffle a bit for us! Greg didn’t love you. You wouldn’t know if someone really loved you because you’re too blind to see anything. You’re so focused on emotional trauma that you refuse to acknowledge things that, while maybe not so powerful...are far more real.
GREG
It was real. It’s not now, but it was.
(Pause)
GREG
You’re never conscious of maturing...but then something happens and it becomes evident. That’s what tonight was for me. I learned what I can cope with now in my life, and it’s an increased threshold over where I was before Megan.
MIKE
You think you matured, Greg? I know the manipulative game you’re playing with Megan better than you do. It’s not going to work. She’s to smart, too cautious to fall for it. You think that if you pretend to not care at all, play some fucked up version of hard-to-get, she’ll fall for you.
GREG
That’s not it at all.
(Pause)
GREG
(to Megan)
I mean it, I’m not playing games.
MEGAN
I know.
BLAKE
You said we’re turning our lives into soap operas--drama comes from life, Mike. We know when things are dramatic--in life, in movies, in plays, whatever--because they strike something within us. They reverberate, no matter what context they appear in. Because they’re real. Because we can always, always identify with them. Soap operas are just real life with the boring bits cut out.
MEGAN
And Mike, that’s exactly what you did to our lives.
BLAKE
Right. You say we’re trying to make our lives into a soap opera...but the real answer is just that soap operas mirror our lives...but with the magic touch of an editor. Mike...you’re that editor.
MIKE
You’re ignoring what I’m saying.
LAURA
No we’re not.
MIKE
I was making things easier to see for you, that’s all! What I’m saying is still true, you’re just arguing against the method which I used to demonstrate it. You think that it’s
MIKE [Continued]
all the argument, that I don’t have anything behind it, but that’s only because you’re so close to your own lives you can’t see it for yourselves!
(Pause.)
GREG
(quietly)
So what?
MEGAN
So fucking what if every moment of our lives isn’t earth-shattering, Mike? Does it really change anything? Does your pointing out that fact somehow change what happened? It doesn’t in my eyes.
LAURA
Mike, I don’t want to think about five years down the line. I’m eighteen years old. I want to live in the present. I want to live in today, and faces life from the direction I see it today.
BLAKE
It’s my life, pointless or not.
MIKE
You’re just being defensive. I’m not trying to make light of your life, that’s really not what I’m doing...more of, I respect your life, Blake, and I want it to be more important.
(The whole preceding exchange, when the characters argue with Mike...they should be fighting over the chance to speak rather often. What they say is not so much supposed to be prepared speeches as simply knowing that if you shut up, someone else is going to start speaking before you’ve said everything you want to.)
(Pause.)
(Blake, Laura, Megan, and Greg look at each other for a moment, then nod.)
LAURA
Please leave.
MIKE
What?
GREG
We’d like you to leave.
MIKE
I’m trying to help you.
LAURA
And we understand that, and respect that. But you truly haven’t helped.
MIKE
Blake?
BLAKE
Thanks for trying, man, but...truthfully...well...
MIKE
...okay. Truthfully there’s only one thing that matters to me here. Fuck your insignificant little lives. I thought that it’d be a nice side benefit--but what the hell. Megan?
MEGAN
(surprised)
Mike?
MIKE
Do you actually want me to leave?
(Beat.)
MEGAN
Yes.
(Pause. Mike falters.)
MIKE
Goodbye.
(Mike exits through front door.)
(Beat.)
MEGAN
What now?
GREG
(not so much a declaration, as "Hey, y’know what?")
I’d like to see everything.
BLAKE
From the beginning?
LAURA
From the beginning.
GREG
I’m afraid that if we don’t, we’re going to get his version of it stuck in our heads. I don’t want that.
(Pause.)
MEGAN
Let’s go for it.
SCENE 4
(Greg is on the porch. He is slowly, ritually getting out a cigarette from a black clove pack while the scene progresses, lighting it moments before Blake and Laura walk out to him. Blake, bored and anxious for people to arrive, lies on the couch watching TV.
Laura enters through the front door and sets her purse down on the table. She walks over to Blake and gives him a kiss.)
BLAKE
Hi dear.
LAURA
Hi. So, Greg here yet?
BLAKE
Yeah, he’s out back.
LAURA
Smoking?
BLAKE
Yep
(Laura sighs.)
LAURA
Boys will be boys.
BLAKE
Don’t you know more girls who smoke than guys?
LAURA
Shut up.
BLAKE
Hah.
LAURA
Why is it that no one minds if you call young women "girls" but young men aren’t "boys"?
BLAKE
Didn’t you just call Greg a boy?
LAURA
That doesn’t count.
BLAKE
Sure it does.
LAURA
It was a phrase, it doesn’t count. Anyway, why is that?
BLAKE
What else are you? You’re too young to be a woman.
LAURA
But "girl" sounds so...I dunno. Like an 8 year-old.
BLAKE
No, an 8 year-old is a little girl.
LAURA
I guess so...
BLAKE
Such a feminist.
LAURA
Fuck you.
BLAKE
Please?
LAURA
Come on, let’s go talk to Greg.
BLAKE
A fuck would be better.
(Laura walks out, Blake follows.)
(Greg is sitting on the porch, smoking his freshlit clove. He turns to them.)
GREG
Hi Laura
LAURA
You know, those things kill you.
GREG
Actually, these’ll kill me faster.
(Greg holds up black pack.)
GREG
Cloves. Screw tar, these fuckers have fiberglass. And just smell ‘em.
(Greg holds them out to Blake, who sniffs.)
BLAKE
Damn, these are cigarettes? They smell like incense!
(Laura wrests the pack away from him.)
LAURA
Mmmm...
BLAKE
Can I have one? Please?
LAURA
Blake!
BLAKE
C’mon, just one.
GREG
Dude, they’re like $6 a pack!
BLAKE
Please?
GREG
Beg, bitch.
BLAKE
Greggg...
GREG
Fine.
(Greg hands Blake a cigarette, lighter.)
BLAKE
Thanks, man.
(Blake lights it--on the wrong end.)
GREG
Blake!
(Laura begins to laugh.)
LAURA
This is fate, Blake. Fate, telling you not to smoke.
GREG
I think she’s right.
BLAKE
Fuck!
(Blake begins hitting his head against the concrete, Greg and Laura laugh.)
BLAKE
Can I have another?
GREG
If you pay me.
BLAKE
Fine, let me get my wallet.
(Left unsaid is "and collect my dignity.")
GREG
So, you hear about Marty Ziegler?
LAURA
No.
GREG
Decided to become a pothead.
LAURA
What?
GREG
Figured he was already lazy and forgetful, so he might as well go all the way.
LAURA
Damn.
(Pause)
LAURA
Wait, isn’t his dad...?
GREG
Yeah. Makes it kinda weird.
LAURA
I dunno, buying it inhouse, bet he gets a nice discount...
GREG
True. I think I’ll stick to these, though. Because damn are they good.
(Greg smokes, zen-like, and sighs out of contentment.)
GREG
And now, I put my hand down my pants.
(And does so.)
LAURA
Christ!
GREG
What, it’s not like I’m jacking off, it’s just comfortable.
LAURA
And disgusting. It’s dirty!
GREG
Actually, it’s probably the cleanest part of my body.
LAURA
You piss out of it.
GREG
...and urine is sterile. You can drink it.
LAURA
It’s still disgusting. A girl could never do that and get away with it.
GREG
True, and unimportant, since I, my friend, am not a girl.
LAURA
I’d hope not.
(Greg gets his hand out of his pants, and begins approaching Laura mock-menacingly, hand stretched outward.)
LAURA
Oh no you don’t...
GREG
Oh really?
LAURA
Greg...
(Greg laughs, keeps on coming closer. Laura begins flailing out, accidentally kicks Greg in the crotch. He falls to the ground. Laura laughs, then realizes it isn’t a laughing matter.)
LAURA
Are you okay?
(Greg groans.)
LAURA
Are you all right?
GREG
Fuck. You. Bitch.
LAURA
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hit you...are you okay?
GREG
Leave me...alone...
(Greg crawls inside, Laura listens at the door to Greg and Blake speak.)
BLAKE
Dude, what happened?
GREG
Your whore girlfriend just nailed me in the balls.
BLAKE
On purpose.
GREG
Well...I was trying to touch her with a hand I was using to fondle myself.
(Blake laughs.)
BLAKE
(serious, concerned)
Are your little men okay?
(Laura begins cracking up, tries to hide it. The guys hear.)
GREG
Yeah...she nailed me all right, but I’ve got balls of steel.
BLAKE
So can I have one of those cigarettes?
GREG
Not right now, man...I’m still kind of in pain.
(Laura is still laughing, and while Blake speaks, Greg goes out the front door and circles around the house, to out back by the porch.)
BLAKE
Oh, okay, it’s cool, I can understand that...so anyway, Greg, I was thinking, you want to get to know Megan, right? So I thought, what better way to give you two some time to get to know each other than to invite her over tonight, right? So, well, I did. She’ll probably be here soon. Mike too. I think it’ll really be a fun evening. We’ll try to leave you alone with Megan as much as possible, so you can work that devilish charm of yours, and...
(Greg by this point has snuck up on Laura, who screams, and runs into the house, followed by Greg. She curls up on the couch and hyperventilates for a comically long period of time, while Greg and Blake watch, amused. And then...)
GREG
Got ya.
LAURA
You bastard.
GREG
Bitch.
LAURA
Don’t call me a bitch.
GREG
Okay, whore.
LAURA
Don’t call me a whore, either.
GREG
Fine, slut.
LAURA
Damn it, Greg. You scared the shit out of me.
BLAKE
But it was funny as hell, dear...
GREG
I could use something cold.
LAURA
Why?
GREG
(sarcastic)
Because I’m thirsty. Why do you think.
LAURA
Oh. I’ll go...
GREG
...I was kidding. I’m fine. Though now that I think about it, I am kinda thirsty...
LAURA
I told you I was sorry. I really meant it. I’m sorry I kicked you in the balls. It was an accident, really.
GREG
Okay, apology accepted. Truce. Okay?
LAURA
Okay.
(Pause.)
GREG
I really am thirsty...
(Laura sighs.)
LAURA
Fine, what do you want?
GREG
A chocolate-chocolate Misto?
LAURA
No way. No way! I’m not going out to get you something to drink! I meant from the fridge!
GREG
Aw c’mon, please?
LAURA
Maybe later.
GREG
Thanks Laura.
LAURA
(bitter)
You’re welcome.
(Beat.)
GREG
Now Blake, what was that about Megan?
BLACKOUT